Monday, 19 September 2016

Dinner with John Lennon

I'm almost enjoying a fantasy relationship with Mr Nutt. That's Mr Nutt from Pratchett's Unseen Academicals. Indeed, Nutt is more accessible than any other potential relationship (as there are none). I excitedly interact with Nutt on a daily basis. I know his mind. I listen intently. Admittedly, I do all this as an observer of The Discworld but let us not focus on the details. 

Yes, i'm excited about Nutt. He is (spoiler alert) an Orc, thus, exceedingly unattractive on physical level but he is brilliant. He even surpasses the god-like genius of Bill Bailey. I know, hard to believe isn't it. He might even be as witty. Coincidentally, I bought two Bill Bailey DVD's recently. Despite Bill's lack of shiny appearance, I still bloody fancy him.

In a sense, I might as well have a crush on the librarian because of his vast literary knowledge. But that would be truly weird, given his species. And I say that without being even slightly species-ist. Plus I'd prefer it if dialogue evolved the constant repetition of the word ook (goodness, even Groot’s vocabulary is more expansive). No, orcs and orangutans are quite different. One is entirely mythical for a start.

Basically I really appreciate Nutt’s intellectual prowess. The man (orc) is incredible. There are few whose knowledge of philosophy spans several cultures, are able speak a number of languages, have the powers of alchemy and are able to shoe a horse without breaking out a sweat. Yes there is that risk that he might rip your head off at any given moment and those claws could prove tricky during romantic interactions but supreme intelligence is highly attractive.

I suppose the main problem with Nutt is that he - like Star-lord, Wade Wilson and the unicorn - is not real. Essentially then, I seek a dream man who encapsulates all the positive characteristics of the people above. Yep. Absolutely bound to find someone like that. No problemo. I'll squeeze it in between the lottery win, manifesting world peace and dinner with John Lennon.



Xxxx xxxx xxxx

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