An insight into the workings of my mind. You have been warned ;-)
Here you will find my musings on various matters. From the profound to the ridiculous: seemingly disparate elements yet often found to be two sides of the same coin.
The dating site is the modern route to meet, date and fall in love. At least that's the theory. It also provides a gateway to romance cons (rom cons). There are so many 'acceptable’ configurations of ‘relationship’ these days. The looser definitions are contrary to everything you thought you knew about dating. The worst of these configurations is Skyping sex. This leads me to two descriptions of the rom con.
The short con:
Essentially it goes something like this. A series of short, banter driven messages ensue. It's fun. You're impressed by their wordplay. A safe distance in, they claim that the dating site is so annoying. It doesn't always send messages. The app is playing up. Or similar nonsense. They acquire your number. A series of quick yet steady messages roll out via WhatsApp. The interplay is conversational. You feel like you are actually chatting. The messages become more flirty, then more sexual. You go with it somewhat because you like them. They ask for a pic. Then send you a pic. These messages are always mixed with hints and promises of dates. The Play: to get you on Skype naked. Odds are: do the short con often enough, some woman will be Skype sexing within days. The Risks are: a high chance it won't work and the rom con artist will have to lure in his next candidate.
The long con. A stand out, long, adoring first message with a unique angle. Probably something poetic about your eyes, hair, coupled with compliments on who you seem to be as a person. Followed by a series of intense, long messages which are intellectual, wordy, frequent, profoundly complimentary. At some stage, could be days or even weeks later, long phone calls commence. These are designed to pull you in further. It's a relationship via a handset. Except it actually isn't a relationship. Masses of plans are discussed. No actual plans are made. They're just discussed. It's theoretical. It's designed to con you not date you. These intense interactions are always coupled with long gaps between messages and calls. The rom con artist is constantly available, followed by, game playingly unavailable. At some point Skype is suggested. They say, I really need to see you. You're so beautiful. Blah blah and other platitudes. The Play: to get you on Skype naked. The Odds are: because of the build up, because you feel you know him, you'll agree to Skype. The Risks are: it's difficult to con more than one woman at once. The long con is time consuming.
These men aren't looking for love. Heck, they're not even looking for sex. They're looking for porn. Porn that is free, personalised and doesn't cost them a penny. They don't want you. They want you mediated. They want you in package form. Holistically they couldn't give a darn about your interests or anything else.
Someone who is interested in you, will talk about your hopes, dreams and thoughts. They'll want to know you. They'll want to meet you for dinner. They'll hope for sex but they won't be solely driven by it.
It's changed out there. It's a bit scary at times. Romantic configurations are not what they were. This is rather sad. However, this is an excellent rule of thumb: if someone needs to see your tits before they take you to dinner, they'll never take you to dinner.
As Biffy Clyro once said “know your quarry”. Love the RGF
If there is anyone on the planet that is really single, in a good place emotionally, not looking for something sexually messed up and actually ready for a real relationship with a woman..... give me a shout.
Sometimes it feels like the world is filled with hate. There have been many tragic losses in the past few days. We are in the midst of the biggest humanitarian crisis since the second world war.
Hate is the language of many groups from BNP to ISIS to the outspoken lunacy of politicians like Trump.
It's hard to see the kindness. It's near on impossible to see solidarity. Yet it does exist. It's just that media promote upsetting news. So we think the world is filled with hate. We think we have to cling what we know and hide from anything unfamiliar.
As human beings, what we actually need to do is open our hearts. We need see that most people are have more in common with us than we realise. It is our commonalities that we must recognise. We must not let fear turn to hate because hate will not protect us. Only love can do that. Kindness, humility, compassion are the tools which will make the world a better place.
Love and kindness can become the norm, the cornerstone of human behaviour. We just have to embrace it.
I reflected upon The Matrix today. Perhaps because I recently rewatched The Lake House which stars Keanu. My mind fell upon the scene between Neo and Spoon Boy. Apart from encouraging Neo to see the truth, what could Spoon Boy mean.
"Do not try and bend the spoon, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth... there is no spoon. Then you will see it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself."
I see this quote as a metaphor for allowing. Don’t try to control the outcome, recognise that you cannot control it. Simply allow it to be.
The act of allowing is so difficult, largely because it's the opposite of act. It's inact. It's unpicking every aspect of vested interest in an outcome and letting it go.
Returning to Neo and the boy, Neo had to be completely within his environment. There was no spoon or to put it another way, he was the spoon. Only by recognising this truth, could he get what he wanted. Xxx