Monday, 30 March 2015

The Mission - All Tangled Up In You

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I always have.  I'm a very sensitive soul.  I recently came across the term empath.  An empath is someone is able to feel others pain and intuitively sense others emotions.  I think perhaps that I'm an empath.

My heart isn't under lock and key. It's right there on my sleeve.  This is probably why I have been hurt so many times.  Interestingly, no matter how many times I get hurt, my heart remains right there on my sleeve. I don't tangle myself up in defenses.  I remain open.  These days, my heart isn't just on my sleeve, it is painted in luminescent colours and playing a soppy love song.

These thoughts bring me to the song below.  A beautiful track written and performed by The Mission.  I have it on vinyl somewhere.  All Tangled Up in You is the B side to the Like a Child Again single.  I truly love hearing this song.  I would also quite like it if someone was all tangled up in me.

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Let them eat cake (a lot)

Can they just remove the calories from chocolate?  Whoever 'they' are.  Surely this must be possible.  And cake.  Remove the calories from cake.  Diet cake.  Cake that actually burns calories. I'd exercise as well. I'd eat my calorie burning cake, then have a little rest, then exercise.  The problem is with lettuce, is that it actually tastes like lettuce. If it tasted like erm cheese or something, it would be yummy.  I'd eat a lot of lettuce if it tasted like cheese.  Basically, lettuce tastes like water.  Solid water but not ice. Ice is nice.  Lettuce probably isn't even healthy. Erm.     

Ramble over.   I'll return to my calorie laden chocolate. 


Saturday, 28 March 2015

Stop anti-human crimes - China!

Please please please can people sign the above petition.  Women have been arrested in China simply for handing out flyers which speak up for equality.  These women must be released.  These crimes against humanity must end in China! 

Friday, 27 March 2015

Rocks in ribbons

Rocks in ribbons
did i receive
Words of fake
came to me

Pretence protector
With broken lance
Empty future
No backward glance

Forced promises
and glittering pyrites
Just disturbance
And sham my life

Saturday, 21 March 2015

Happy rose day

So I have some beautiful roses.  The yellow one is hiding at the back somewhere.  Smiley Hazel. 

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

How men and women prepare for dates

About an hour before man needs to leave the house, man showers and brushes his teeth.  Man then gets dressed in clothes that are fresh smelling.  Man checks freshness of clothes by carrying out the sniff test. If man is extremely excited about the date he uses aftershave.  Man puts on coat and leaves house.  Arrives at date feeling nervous, looks down at top and notices stray toothpaste. 

About two weeks before the date woman begins date preparations. These, although by no means an exhaustive list, include:

  • Crash dieting and exercise attempts to make herself super slim, even though man already knows what she looks like
  • Buys new outfit including coordinating accessories, even though man probably won’t notice accessories or, in fact outfit
  • Buys completely unneeded new makeup and nail varnish
  • Ignores new nail varnish, instead books both pedicure and manicure at over-priced beauty salon
  • Attempts to restyle hair
  • Applies deep conditioning treatments to hair daily
  • Tries on every outfit in wardrobe, at least twice
  • Buys new underwear, just in case
  • Begins daily skincare routine
  • Plucks eyebrows in accordance with current eyebrow styles, guided by Cosmopolitan magazine or similar
  • Has numerous discussion with friends about hair, makeup, nails, underwear, outfit and so on
  • The day before the date, woman removes unwanted body hair.   If woman hasn’t dated for a while, this process takes a lot of time.  The result is that woman no longer resembles Cousin It. 

From this

To this
On the day of the date, woman has a shower about 5 hours before she needs to leave the house.  Woman washes and conditions her hair, then spends approximately 30 minutes exfoliating her skin.  Woman leaves shower about an hour later.  Woman applies half a tub of body lotion to her skin.  Woman combs hair until completely tangle free, then commences hair styling. Woman walks through a cloud of her favourite perfume and sprays some near her crotch area, just in case.  

Woman brushes her teeth for about 30 minutes.  Then the make up application process commences.  This could take anything from 30 minutes to 2 hours.  Woman then tries on everything from her wardrobe again, decides to wear the first outfit she tried.  Woman places all items in her handbag that she believes she might need, plus a fair number of items that she knows she definitely won’t.  For good measure, woman reapplies perfume.  Woman puts on her coat and leaves the house.    Like man, woman arrives at the date feeling nervous, looks down at her outfit and notices stray toothpaste.  

This is a loose guide.  Some of it is moderate exaggeration for comedic effect, except the Cousin It comment, that's factual.  Some people do more prep, some people do less. Never-the-less, preparing for date can be rather terrifying.  Fun but terrifying.


We are here for you 24/7, apparently

There was an offer on the cash machine which read "We are here for you 24/7". You can imagine my excitement.  Free counseling!  So I settled myself down in front the cash machine and started to share my problems.  I waited for a response. I waited for quite some time. But the cash machine absolutely refused to provide any useful insight. Nothing.  Nowt.

Moreover, I have no idea where the 'we' came into it.  There was only one cash machine. 

Me thinks it rather overstated both it's offer and it's number.  Perhaps "Cash available 24/7" would be more apt. 


Monday, 16 March 2015

It's raining men and interesting thoughts....

So The Weather Girls say that it's raining men.  In response, I'm 50% "quick, it's spitting, everybody in" ala Peter Kaye in his stand up routine, discussing people's response to rain.  In other words, men, argh, run away.  I'm 50% sod the anorak and brolly, I'm gonna do some splashing about with the gentlemen folk.  I wonder which side will landslide........

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Dating humour

Dating site messages enmeshed in unintentional humour:

"We could talk on the phone then arrange to meet in the presence of your parents with a view to marriage".  - Erm no, just no.  What? 

"The next time I'm free, you could cook for me and we could go for a walk" - What about my availability, what about you cook for me, what about you make a damn effort.

"Nice profile picture Steve".  - Thank you. How kind. But you appear to be confusing me with someone called Steve.  Use a comma in the appropriate places.

"Do you fancy a 3sum". - No, thank you very much, I do not.

".........Would you like to know what I think??".  - Well possibly but appertaining to what?  Just every thought that enters your mind or are we talking specific subject areas.  Vague. Very very vague.

"If I had written down someone who I'd like to get to know you'd make a close fit". - So in other words I'm almost there but not quite. Fabulous.  I'm in. Where do I sign?

"Hey I like your pictures :) let's go on a datee".  - The extra 'e' was in the actual message.  I think we might need a little more than liking pictures before go on a date.  Anyway, you are 20 years old and are unable to spell the word date.
It isn't all doom and gloom. I have met some cool people on dating sites. :)

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Too much to ask for?

Is it too much to ask for........

.........Benedict Cumberbatch to pick me up in The Tardis and take me away for two months or so.  We then visit the far reaches of the planet and the universe.  We take regular breaks along the way, where we "lie down and have rest" or something like that, ahem.  We watch the birth and death of stars from a safe distance.  We dance on alien planets and swim in exotic oceans.  We stroll along beaches with marble blue seas.  Then he drops me home, taking me back in time so that I have only been away for a moment......

Seems like a reasonable request to me.    

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

The Jets - Crush on You (1986)

This song came out when I was still in high school.  At the time, I had something of an epic crush on a boy called Steve.  I made a mix tape for him, it had this song it.  Back then, people made mix tapes.  Moreover, back then, people had music on vinyl or cassette.  These days people make playlists of digital media.  I wonder if people share said playlists with the object of their crush.

Sunday, 8 March 2015

I try

Ignoring the "can I be your possession" part - yep - this:!%29

Dating messages again...

A dating site message: how you doin?

I feel like I've been contacted by Joey from Friends.  I can't decide whether this is a good or a bad thing. Maybe if the guy looked like Matt LeBlanc during his Lost in Space era, it would be an epic thing.  Maybe then...... The guy looks nothing like Matt LeBlanc. 

I want a thespian-like introduction.  Is this too much to ask for?  Erm, yes, apparently.  I want the kind of thing Benedict Cumberbatch would say.  That being said, if Benedict Cumberbatch contacted me and was the polar opposite of wit, charm and charisma, I'd take him anyway.  Of course, the chances of Benedict Cumberbatch being the polar opposite of wit, charm and charisma is about as likely as him contacting me in the first place!



My views of my new 57 Wisdoms blog is currently at 221.  This made me smile due to 221B Baker Street, the home of Sherlock Holmes. 


Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Sherlock 21 facts

This is a rather interesting list of things that fans might not know about BBC Sherlock.  I found it particularly intriguing to discover that Sherlock is very popular in China and Japan.  Moreover, Japan has a long tradition of Sherlock-influenced, copyright-avoiding manga and anime. 

More evidence that Sherlock is blooming fabulous stuff!

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