Monday, 14 August 2017

In a song


Let hands slow to Venus time
Retract from world beyond
An imprint of loves energy
As days pass in a song

xxx








Sunday, 6 August 2017

Collaboration

What is better than being inspired to write poetry? Inspiring beautiful poetry in the man who inspires me. We are both muse and creator. I'm greatly enjoying this collaboration. There are times when I feel unsettled. This is the fear of being hurt presenting itself. Yet, when I'm operating through instinct, I feel brave and joyous.

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Difference




What a difference two months makes. On the 1st June, I was writing poetry about a ghost. Now on the 1st August, I'm writing it about a man who's presence is active.

At the beginning of June I was wrapping blue flowers around a broken clock. Hoping that the ghost would remember. I no longer hope for this.

On this first day of August, I love someone new. It perhaps apt that Goldfrapp's Utopia plays my wait for him to arrive at my house. Just over a week ago, he asked me what I wanted to do, I said "just be here". There wasn't anything that could have improved it. We were enough.

Xx

Easier

Sometimes it's easier when you know that love is entirely unrequited.  Of course it's terribly sad but it's still easier than I uncertainty. That sense of being too far ahead in feelings and not knowing how to backtrack through your emotions. Love doesn't come with a remote. You cannot pause, rewind, stop and you can't fast forward. I'd rewind if I could so that you might catch up. Or maybe I'd pause my feelings so I could enjoy you, us, without my heart clouding the experience. Every time I see you I feel more.  Though you tell me it's the same for you, we know that I'm a number of steps in front. You, so incredibly balanced in myriad ways. This, and others, makes you one of the best people I've met. I wonder if our feelings will ever find balance. Will you start to feel much the same way I do or never, ever catch up........

Xx

Thursday, 27 July 2017

I love you

For weeks now, I’ve been feeling like I’m falling in love.  I’ve been trying to apply theoretical brakes to this process.  Shaking my head at my emotions every time my heart sails towards you.  It's not that I don't want to fall, I just didn't want to get there before you did. Today I realise that trying to stop the tides of love is like trying to avoid the effects of gravity.  I am in love with you. I can feel it in every part of me. It's too soon to say it but it is not too soon to feel it. ❤️❤️❤️


Monday, 24 July 2017

Electricity

Sometimes the connection between two people paints magic onto each moment.  There have been suggestions of this before but Saturday was climatic in its majesty.   I wanted to wrap myself up in the threads of our chemistry and long remain there.  

I remember sitting in the pub, two week ago, when I met some of your friends for the first time.  We were listening to someone speak.  The tips of our fingers were touching.  It felt like we were suffused with electricity.

I’m trying hard not look forward too much or miss you but such is the joy of our times together, these responses are perhaps inevitable.    

Friday, 21 July 2017

My daughter

 I watch you sleep and marvel at your perfection. Your face is much the same as it was when I first held you. You're all arms and legs now, where once you were round. Your first smile, first giggle, first words - they all seem like yesterday but you're five years old. One day you'll be a woman. I know I'll still see the baby you, wrapped up in the years of your growth.

I can remember feeling terrified of motherhood. I had no idea of where to begin. This tiny person - vulnerable, perfect - entirely dependent upon me. Even when it's exactly what you want, it seems impossible to do. Yet I'm doing it and sometimes it's utterly amazing.

Though drained with a labour that lasted for days, I could still feel  the warmth of you on my chest. I can remember that feeling. You looked up at me and all the dreams of love that I'd felt as you grew inside me, solidified as our eyes met. Your eyes were newborn blue then, they're hazel now. The colour of my name.

Today is the last day of term. September will mark your transcendence into Year One. Not for the first time, I'm excited and sad simultaneously. And isn't this the cornerstone of parenthood. It gathers so many emotions together, at exactly the same time. It makes life before your child seem distant. The parenting challenges drag yet the stages of childhood zip by at ridiculous speed. I suppose The Doctor would say that parenthood is very "timey wimey".

For all the struggles, especially those brought about by being a single mother - I would not change a thing.

To my beautiful daughter. You are amazing. I love you more than you can imagine.

❣️ The RGF ❣️

Highlighted post

Your transient

~ Give me lines on glass The dawn tides And walking past Bring me feathery flashes The midnight moments And backward glances ...

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