Friday, 20 April 2018


If you could choose any flavour, would you still choose vanilla?

Tove Lo, Disco Tits

Sunday, 8 April 2018

Middle moments

A piece of the day,
Between cloudy morn
and starry nights.
When paths cross,
in middle moments.
Our love traces edges
on times gone
and those yet to come.

Sunday, 25 March 2018

The ideal height revisited

Back in October 2016 I wrote a blog post entitled The Ideal Height. It was a light hearted tick list of criteria. Specifically, it was man criteria. A bullet pointed array of boyfriend material in a Haze remix style.

Time has past. And like all good remixes, we embark upon the remix of the remix. In short, or perhaps I should say, in tall - the ideal height has altered a tad. By 3ish inches, to be imprecise. The ideal is now standing tall but not too tall at 5 foot 11 and a bit.

The list and it's wonderful variation is detailed below.........

Blue eyes, long hair and indie style:
His eyes are brown and far more fall into than any I've known. His hair is not long, nor in fact, even particularly present. I suppose I might say his sense of style is indie but mostly I'd say it's his. He can carry clothes combinations off that the rest of the population would look ridiculous in. On him, these clothes work. He left my house today in a Power Puff Girls top, a floral blouse as a jacket, a patterned scarf, some black spray on jeans and a bob hat. I didn't want him to leave. I probably never will.

Planetary awareness:
We're working on the planet thing. It's probably not his strong suit. Unless Mother Nature is a big fan of fly tipping.

Kindness and solid ethics:
Fortunately kindness to people is his middle name. Well not literally otherwise he'd be Simon Kindness to People Soane but figuratively he's all up in that shit. Big time.
As for ethical. Hmmm. See fly tipping.

Some people get the brains, some people get the looks. Others are lucky fecking gits and get both. He's in the third group.

Big words:
There aren't enough hours in the day, words in the dictionary and there are far too many inconvenient breath interruptions for my man to say all his words. He's the Gabber equivalent of communication. (Gabber, for those uninitiated, is a form of hardcore dance music. It plays at 150 to 190 bpm. In other words it's fast. Really fast).

I've learnt much since I met him. He has the kind of knowledge that only the wise tap into. He knows that knowledge grows by sharing it and he recognises that the knowledge is not static in nature.

I'm told he's fairly tardy and I've certainly spotted it in his working life but he doesn't tend to be late for me.

Poetic and rock guitaring:
He might be a modern day Donne. John Donne that is. If you're dating a Donne, rock star guitaring doesn't matter.

Passionate about music and a varied taste:
If varied music taste is Smashing Pumpkins one moment then Take That the next, then varied taste is definitely his. And he's passionate about it. Actual tears are shed at tunes. He knows how to feel and he doesn't hold back.

Empathetic and Bill Bailey funniness levels:
I feel like our shared empathy and humour is amplified by and through each other.

Extrovert introvert please:
He has his quiet moments, probably. Actually, I'm not sure that he does. It's all about the interaction - with beings, places and things. As it is, I have enough introvert for the both of us and I can extrovert off his extra extrovert.

We, and by we, I mean he, can flow from stubble to short beard with aplomb. I feel that his beard is my beard. A good thing because I'm sure vice versa wouldn't work for him.

Short sighted:
I joke about his failing eyesight. If he ever gets an eyesight test, I hope the loss of Haze filter doesn't lead me to wryly say should have gone to specsavers.

Profoundly sexy:
Sexual chemistry is a many-splendoured thing. With some it's explosive, with others it's cataclysmic. That's what we have. The second kind. I lose and simultaneously find myself in his presence. I have never been this excited before. So yeah, he's profoundly sexy.

Has a job type thing:
Work. Ah work. Hand in glove, cheese and pickle, Sherlock and Holmes, that's Si and paid work. This sentence is dripping in sarcasm. However he is employed and he volunteers to help the homeless. The latter elicits far more enthusiasm than the former.

Two hour texting turnaround unless alien invasion occurs:
Aliens invade Stockport every week. This is a fact. It must be because we do not enjoy a two hour turnaround all the time. Nor does he message me in his sleep, which, to be honest, is an affront to romance but we are in regular contact. Im not left wondering where he is or whether he's still coming.

Open and honest:
As time passes I think we're both becoming more open. He speaks his truth. It's his modus operandi. It doesn't get much more honest than that!

Would save me, fight the zombies and the demons, should it be required:
If on the set of Sean of the Dead, he'd be the first to seek refreshments in a suitably located drinking establishment such as The Winchester. Then he'd fight the zombies, glass of cheap plonk in hand. An avid Buffy fan knows how to fight demons. He's basically a skooby. Sharp branches at the ready. Always.

Useless talents:
Hmmmm. I don't think he has any. Plenty of useful ones though and some of these are relevant outside of the bedroom.

Oh he's hedonistic. Probably more than I am. But he drinks water and eats fruit and whatnot. There is wholesome too. He's balanced. Erm pretty much.

Swears but never in front of my family:
A man who uses words aplenty, is kind and empathetic, is a man who swears in all the right places. Ish. No one is perfect.

Sweetness personified:
I don't have the words to convey how sweet he is. To me, to my people, his people. In fact, to all the people. He's never seen me in a onesie but I know that if he did, he would tell me I'm beautiful because that's how he sees me.

It is not the list but the person that matters. I have remixed The Ideal Height because we don't know what ideal is until we stumble across it. I know now. I have found the one. My soulmate. My unicorn.

Indeed, one might even say that I have found my ideal height.


Saturday, 10 March 2018


The alarm pulled me into reluctant wakefulness this morning. It would have been a reasonableish occurrence but it's Saturday and we have nowhere to be. Unlike every single working day, I got up immediately and creeped downstairs to put the heating on. You creep when you have a kid and plan on a lie in. Though extra sleep is generally an unreachable dream. I also grabbed my phone.

I have this thing I do. When I've gone to bed early and my boyfriend is out with friends, I look forward to his textual updates in the morning. I feel like I was there by proxy. The proxy being garbled messages in WhatsApp. Sometimes I have quite a few to make sense of. The sensibility within each steadily dissapating as his drunk progresses. On the upside, the frequency of his I love yous increases and though its drunky, its also lovely.

Back to this morning. So it was with  moderate enthusiasm that I checked WhatsApp at about 7.30. It would have been maximum enthusiasm but it was 7.30. It's hard to fully embrace the things that stop the sleep. Waiting in WhatsApp was one 23 second video. Rather than the array of ramblings I was pinning my ridiculous hopes on. Still, it'd probably be 23 seconds of him declaring his undying love for me.  Ive watched it twice now and I'm still not sure what the words were. There may have been dancing. It's hard to say. Certainly the phone camera moved a lot. Right at the end I managed to identify the word beautiful. Whether this was aimed at me or was one's boyfriend summarising the majesty of 23 second monologue, is anyone's guess but the smart moneys on the latter.

These messages also span the gap between my fairly early get up and his generally late get up. They fill the space with echoes of the man and as I love the man, so too I love the echoes. Sadly, only members of The Magic Circle can stretch 23 seconds of nonsense over something like 4 hours. Thus I'll wait for high noon, which is when he tells me our paths will next cross. I wonder if he's confusing high noon with high tea..........

The RGF xxx

Friday, 2 March 2018

Face in my heart

You are like the air. 
I breathe you in. 
It is indelible now.  
Permanence lit by iridescence. 
Your beauty within, amplified by your presence.


Friday, 2 February 2018

A kind of life poetry

I watched about 50% of romantic indie film the other night. I'll refrain from sharing the name in case of audience.

The male lead said "it seems like guys spend their time trying not to get married then they meet a girl and think I can't let this one go so they get married and women spend their lives waiting for Prince Charming then marry a guy who has a good job".

I think there's a lot of truth to this. It felt beautiful.  Like a kind of life poetry. The kind that makes you sigh.


Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Holodeck apocalypse

There is music in you and I find that I'm humming it constantly. We are a holodeck of love, with apocalyptic kisses.

As I pull all my knowledge and experiences forward to this moment - I truly believe that our connection is the most magical I've known.

Highlighted post

Feelings start

~Something visceral And beautifully wild Shimmering ripples Beginning inside Not just body Or even heart You sing the songs Th...

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