Monday, 29 June 2009

Todays playlist

Marmaduke duke - Duke pandemonium
Fleetwood mac - Rumours
The Beatles - Revolver
Queens of the stone age - Songs for the deaf
Shed seven - Let it ride

Musical good times are rolling.

Spaced Boosh

You failed to take into account my mirror balls, look at them shine

Women will be all over you, like a flannel

Sit back, relax and get comfy because you my friend are going nowhere
(Blows on glasses and polishes them, then looks down and notices that Colin the dog has legged it)

Daisy: So, how’ve you been, you big bloody man?
Tim: I had one or two issues to work through
Daisy: With Sarah?
Tim: No, with George Lucas
Cuts to scene where Tim is wearing Star Wars outfit, ceremoniously burning Star Wars paraphernalia

Daisy: What do you actually do?
Mike: If I told you that, I’d have to kill you
Daisy: Why is it a secret?
Mike: No

Mike to Sophie: If you hurt him, I’ll kill you
Sophie to Tim: Did he mean that?
Tim to Sophie: (sigh, smile, reassuring shoulder grip) Yes

The Mighty Boosh and Spaced – comedy genius at work

Put your lips together and blow

I just blew on my ice-cream. It didn’t work.


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we hold our own image in our minds-eye. If we think ourselves to be beautiful then we are.

Surrender and release

I read oracle cards. They are a little like Tarot but work more on the basis of positive affirmations. They are generally easier to interpret than Tarot cards. I find that which ever outcome you receive, the message is always positive or encourages you to reflect on some unhelpful aspect of your life. It’s not possible to get a negative result. Coincidence or communication with the divine, I find them helpful.

I received the following card today:
‘Surrender and release’

I find that I often hang on to troubling aspects of my life. I get so lost in the perceived problem that I become unable to let go of it. In general terms, it is much better to let the idea of a problem go. Often aspects of our lives that seem problem-like are just our mind’s way of translating something into a problem. There are many examples of this:
The alleged large bum gets larger, the more we think it to be large
People like us less, when we believe that they do
We lack confidence, when we tell ourselves so
We hate our job, when we believe there is something to hate

The above are examples of perceived problems. Indeed, we could say that that all in life is really just perception. Our conscious and sub-conscious mind making sense of the external world. Taking the world out there and mediating experience of it through interplay between the conscious and sub-conscious mind. That is not to say that bad things don’t happen to people, of course they do. Sadly they do. I just believe that many problems are self-constructed and therefore can be self-deconstructed. Indeed, if we accept that something has been generated by us then we have to accept that we can easily destroy it. The two are co-dependent.

My angel card suggested that I surrender aspects of my life that appear troubling. My interpretation of this card is to cease to see these aspects as problematic. To instead, see them from a more neural mindset and then to allow the problems to float away. The advice on the card encourages the reader not to try to control the outcome of the problem and instead to let it go. Once we have let it go, then the problem has gone. It may sound difficult and indeed it takes practice but if we are largely the lived experience of our own thoughts then we must be able to remove problemed aspects from our lives.

You don’t have to believe in God or Angels to release unhelpful thinking processes; you just have to believe in yourself and allow the problem to evolve into nothingness. It’s work in progress for me, I don’t naturally release all self-generated problems. I have to remind myself to do so. Yet even the learning process is worthwhile.


Thursday, 25 June 2009

Time slip

As I wandered through our staff canteen today, lunch items in hand, I was momentarily captivating by the aroma of mint sauce. (This sentence sounds amusing but I really was captivated). A temporal slip occurred. I was transported back in time to my childhood, where I had wonderful times sat around my nana’s dining room table, eating lamb and mint sauce or roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. I recall that she always offered my dad seconds, thirds and fourths. She’d say “do you want more Howard” and before he had time to answer, the enormous helpings would be ladled onto his already over-crowded plate. My nana was from Newcastle-upon-Tyne. She was and is a wonderful woman. Her time spent in Cheshire meant that much of her accent was lost but often she’d spring back into Geordie. One of her food-associated catchphrases was “get it up thee”. Odd though that statement may sound, to her, it made perfect sense. It was the statement used to encourage you to clean your plate. The fact that food does not travel in upwards direction, on its journey from mouth to stomach was irrelevant to her. I suppose she referred to the initial phase of the journey, where the fork moves the food from plate to mouth. When I think of her catchphrase I smile. I smile then I feel sad. I will always miss her.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

More on God

Further research has exposed as belonging to The Evangelical Media Group (EMG). Apparently it is a non-denominational, non-profit organization based in the United States. How utterley disapointing. It doesn't belong to God, it's just about God. Unless we say everything belongs to God. None-the-less, I would have liked to have seen Copyright God at the bottom of the home page.

See for more on this.

Please note the comedic tone of this blog. I actually believe in God, well I believe in a higher-power of some sort which may or may not be God.


Tuesday, 23 June 2009


I believe that it’s important to speak your truth.

I believe that it’s important not to censor yourself whilst simultaneously having a mind towards others feelings.

I try to choose the right words.

I do not play games with other people’s emotions and expect the same treatment for myself.

I speak my truth so I’m sometimes not protected from the words and actions of others.

I invite the risk that speaking my truth brings.

I welcome that risk if it means that I’ve respected and honoured my truth.


Monday, 22 June 2009


Tried to embed this but haven't a clue how to, so do click on the link below and have a listen / look at the Silhouettes Jacknife Lee remix.


Toser is not a known insult

I saw someone once with the word 'Toser' scrawled onto his work jacket through the penmanship of finger-drawn letters in dirt. If only they'd remembered the second 'S'. They may as well have labelled him a 'Waner'.



This was taken from the Wikipedia - '42 (forty-two) is the natural number following 41 and preceding 43'.

And this: 'Adams later (1994) created the 42 Puzzle, a game based on the number 42'.

Thanks Wikipedia, without these gems of knowledge, I'd be completely lost. ;-)

In fairness the rest of the information about 42 is interesting.

I would just like to clarify - 42 follows 41 and comes before 43 (unless you count backwards). Douglas Adams created a game called 42 Puzzle which coincidently enough is based on the number 42. He thought of basing it on the number 43 but realised the name 42 Puzzle would be misleading.


Life floozy

In the process of alerting my facebooking chums to my recent blog action, I received one of those security check questions. See below:

I found the term 'life floozy' really amusing. Damning insult: "be gone you life floozy". "You floozy of life". I laughed. Perhaps interesting that I received the security check as a result of alerting people to my God Net blog. Maybe it was a sign....or maybe just an amusing coincidence. ;-)


We are told that God is omnipresent – so is The Internet. Coincidence? Are God and the Internet one in the same thing? God has a website – I’ve seen billboard adverts for it (see blog title). Think I’ll send him / her / non-gender specific entity an email and ask “God are you the Internet or is just striking coincidence that you both happen to be ubiquitous?” Maybe I should ring 118118 – you can ask them anything. The advert clearly identifies that you can ask them anything. It’s funny because the advert implies 118118 will know the answer to any question. You can ask me anything but it’s unlikely that I’ll know the answer. The Internet knows everything. This brings me back to the argument – are God and the Internet synonymous? Is all knowledge absolute? Google tells me that it is. Think of a question, Google the answer. Google was once just a simple noun, now it has become a verb. Is Google the gateway to God? Rather than pearly gates, we have an ever-changing range of eye-catching designs based around the word Google. The meaning of life probably is 42. Think I’ll tag that onto the end of my email to God / the Internet….

Watch this space for more. Although because of God’s omnipresent nature, the answers may appear on a chair one day. Indeed they may appear on a virtual chair in cyberspace. Google and 118118 already know the answers.

If this blog disappears, God has probably removed it.

The tone of this blog is non-literal.

Thank you.

(This blog was inspired by the words of JP Reid of Sucioperro and Marmaduke duke).


Saturday, 20 June 2009

Dreams don’t get much hotter than this

Silhouettes – Marmaduke duke
Je suis un funky homme - Marmaduke duke
Hate filters – Sucioperro
I have reached my limit – Sucioperro
The drop – Sucioperro
The ruins – Sucioperro
Wave upon wave upon wave – Biffy clyro
57 – Biffy clyro
Glitter and trauma – Biffy clyro
Dead leaf echo – Sucioperro
A conspiracy and a devil – Marmaduke duke
Bodies in flight – Biffy clyro
Erotic robotic – Marmaduke duke
Joy.Discovery.Invention – Biffy clyro
Grace and out of me – Sucioperro
Machines – Biffy clyro

Without question, it would be dreamy in that ‘smile all over’ kind of a way, to be part of an audience that listened, bounced and screamed to the above three bands in one standing. If the songs I’ve listed were played, then, for me, the dream would be of the big O variety. Of course there are many other songs that I could have picked. It was challenging to arrive at the above list. I thought of ‘Only one word comes to mind’, ‘The altruist’, ‘The false and the cinematic’, ‘Demon’, ‘Random acts of intimacy’, ‘27’, ‘Folding stars’, ‘Christopher’s river’, ‘The kiss and the consonant’, ‘The human and the jigsaw’, ‘The dissident code’ and many, many others. Fortunately, Sucioperro, Biffy clyro and Marmaduke duke are incredibly prolific – they produce song after song that leaves you with a sense of ‘bloody hell that was AMAZING’.

In reality, it is perhaps unlikely for the above three bands to ever play a collective gig. For those that know their music, the reason for this is obvious. However, I do find myself wondering at the logistics of such an operation. If Goose and Ben didn’t drum on all duke songs…if Spider and James took it in turns to play bass for the duke….if Dragon and Atmosphere alternated keyboard / guitar playing between them when dukeing….if the more acoustic songs were played towards the end... if they all slept lots before, even more so after and perhaps drank vast quantities of red bull during….if they mixed it up so you got a little Duke, a little Biffy and a little Sucio then repeated the format. It really could happen. Configurations aside - this brand of threesome would be extremely tiring for all on stage. It would also be rather tiring for the voyeur but oooh so worth it.

Am I living in cloud crazy land – almost certainly but this gig would be truly, achingly, fantastically beautiful. If it ever happens - I’ll be at the side-front, away from the mayhem of the mosh-pit (my foot in face days are over). I’ll sing-shout as I’ve never done so before. I’ll jump around until my feet have no feeling. I’ll wave my arms in the air until they ache. I’ll point, shake and waggle like I mean it (see I’ll throw my bottom covering underwear onto the stage, after removing myself from the wearing of them (no prizes for guessing who I’ll aim said knickers at). I’ll spontaneously combust with over-excitement, a small price to pay (as long as it happens post-gig). The two final points are probably exaggeration. ;-)

I have my fingers and toes crossed in hope. In the meantime, I shall look forward to Biffy clyro at Nottingham Rock City, contemplate whether I can add a third Sucioperro gig to this year’s list and reflect on the recent wonderment of Marmaduke duke at the Manchester Deaf Institute.

Duke, biff and sooch like you mean it.


Thursday, 18 June 2009

Follow the white rabbit

Today, I thought back to the scene in The Matrix – where Neo receives a message on his computer screen from Trinity, telling him to follow the white rabbit. I wondered, as indeed many will have wondered before me - why on earth does he just press the escape key as a means to remove the message? It is his only course of action. He doesn’t even attempt the ‘ctrl, alt and delete’ technique – what sort of hacker doesn’t press ‘ctrl, alt and delete’. Okay, okay – so he wasn’t using Windows. Even so, you’d assume that an accomplished hacker would have had a few more tech-tricks up his sleeve than pressing the escape key! He even pressed escape more than once – as if repetition would achieve the desired outcome! The definition of insanity – doing exactly the same thing as before and expecting a different result. A beautiful but very silly Neo. Bloody marvellous film though and Neo is a man made of dreams, the sort of dream that distracts you from important things like breathing rather than panting helplessly. I’d be the first to admit that I paused and continually rewound the scene where Neo falls down a shoot, as he is liberated from the Matrix. Sadly, he wasn’t completely naked - he was wearing some material which covered up his pelvic region. I recall that my sister and I were very disappointed to find pelvic coverage but it didn’t stop numerous rewind pause activities (insanity plead – see my earlier point). Oh if only we’d had a zoom button. Outrageous behaviour I hear you cry and you’re quite right. It was terrible to objectify Keanu Reeves so. It was terrible but definitely most enjoyable. ;-)

Keep on dukeing

I’ve written about this before but wanted to say some more about Duke Pandemonium by Marmaduke duke…..

I’ve been singing Silhouettes in the shower for days now (not that I’ve spent days in the shower you understand, I don’t desire to be that clean – it’s just that every time I feel a shower singathon coming on, Silhouettes emerges as the bathroom concert highlight). I love that the track is slightly poppy yet still seems to retain a rock edge. The lyrics are quite beautiful. Musically I find some Johnny Marr influences (indeed there appears to be Marr influence on a few of the album tracks). I’m unsure whether this was the intention of the Dragon and the Atmosphere (the two artists that together comprise of Marmaduke duke) but you can hear those Marr style haunting guitar riffs which sound as if they are being played using a capo. I’m no guitarist so I don’t know how the sound is arrived at but I do know that I’ll never tire of hearing it.

Jumping to the final track on Duke Pandemonium which manages to leave me with equal parts of freaked out and funked up. I’ve mentioned its samba beat before – this makes the song feel upbeat. Dragon’s vocals combined with roughly 80% of the lyrics create a track that is quite reflective. Throughout the track you hear Atmosphere repeatedly singing “tie up the winners of the world tonight and skin the mother f*ckers alive” and “skin the mother f*ckers alive”. It’s quite terrifying. All these elements combined create the freaked funked feeling.

Moving onto a track called Demon - which I have fallen in love with. I believe it to be the longest on the album (it lasts for roughly 7 minutes). The mainstay of the vocals are provided by Big Slice (Mickey Logg) – a former Sucioperro band member (Dragon’s other and in a sense main band). I love Big Slice’s vocal style on this track. It has a country music feel to it somehow. It appears that the song is about the demon weed (or cannabis for those that require further explanation). I appreciate the attraction to it but it’s never been my preferred method of escapism. I really love the ambient style music in the latter part of the track. It seems to describe the sensation of aforementioned drug quite well. That sort of surreal-floaty feeling that the demon weed can generate is clearly portrayed through this stage of the music.

There are further magnificent tracks to describe but I will leave those until another day, another blog.

Oh and if you wonder what on earth I’m writing about, check out Marmaduke duke's Duke Pandemonium – it is available at many shops and sites of the musical selling variety.


Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Hope = naive

Someone told me recently that I have a sense of hope that is usually associated with younger people. Not their exact words but this was their meaning. They linked this observation, amongst others things, to my decision to join Amnesty International and Friends of the Earth. They correlated my decisions to join these organisations with the right of passage (if you can call it such) of a young University leavers decision to travel the world. It was an interesting observation. This person appeared to suggest that to be a cynic was to be truly wise. That we come through this idea that the world can be wonderful to arrive at the realisaton that it never will be. To have hope means that the truth has not been realised.

I do view the world through hopeful eyes. I do believe that human beings have the power to make the world better. I do not believe that this is either a naive or a vain hope. However, if I'm wrong then I'm saddened but none-the-less I'd rather be naive and hopeful, even if this means that I haven't realised the truth.


Friday, 12 June 2009

Avoiding the polymorph

The Polymorph could have had a veritable feast on my emotions earlier today. I found myself wondering where I was going and whether I had any control of the direction. I became lost in thoughts of destiny versus luck and didn’t feel a connection with either of them.

After wallowing in the mud of self-pity for a time, I took affirmative action. I spoke to my mum and my sister. I watched a brilliant episode of Red Dwarf. Then, post-chats and post-crazy Sci-fi comedy, I felt much better. This emotional turnaround is, in no small part due The Cat’s wonderful statement, as he swept majestically into the episode – “mmm something smells good, what is it, it’s me, I love this aftershave”! :-)

I guess wondering about direction and fate is okay but it’s much better to grasp each moment by the hand and really connect with life. In keeping with this concept, I have a plan. Not a grand plan but an important one. After doing some of the things that I need to do, I’m going to do something that I want to do. I will walk into my front room, place the Duke Pandemonium CD into the stereo, press play and crank up the volume. Following this, I will dance around the room for the duration of the album. I will dance with no regard to style or beauty. I will not care how ridiculous I look because no one will be watching. This, I anticipate, will be most enjoyable.

If a little melancholy happens to pass my way again – I will remember The Cat, I will avoid the Polymorph and I will embrace the master of mayhem that is Marmaduke duke. I will also, of course, talk to the people that I love and am extremely fortunate to know.


Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Tool rather than weapon

Intelligence is not a weapon to wield; it is a tool to create


If you love music and particularly if you love Marmaduke duke, Sucioperro and Biffy Clyro - vote for Marmaduke duke's 'Silhouettes' , which has been added as a 'Hot New One' on The MySpace Chart on MTV Two.

Follow this link: it's absolutely the best click you'll make all day.

If you haven't heard 'Silhouettes' yet, when you hear it, your ears will thank you for the privilege! It's an amazing song.


Monday, 8 June 2009

Too forward

Apparently, I'm too forward. Apparently, I should play hard to get. Seems a bit pointless to me. Why would I want to expend effort on playing hard to get? Unless I'm actually not interested, then it comes to me quite naturally.

I wonder whether society is still very much in the stronghold of a male desire to rescue helpless princesses from their singledom. This worries me.

I have no desire to stand, wait and smile demurely at male passersby. I will not internally pray for them to notice me. If I'm interested, then I'll indicate it and if I'm not, then you get my version of hard to get.

I'm quite happy to be revered as a goddess but I also expect to be appreciated as an equal - and the hard to get scenario does not speak of equality, it speaks of patriarchy.

Just in case anyone wonders, I do not have a large ego, on the contrary my ego is quite small and occasionally very fragile. I am, however, proud of my character and am pleased to say that I never wait for men that I like to ask me out - unless he's quick, I've already asked him.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, actually no I'm not, if it offends you - you probably think you're a handsome prince and like women to be just a little bit helpless.


Wheat-free pasta

Wheat-free pasta doesn't really taste like pasta - it tastes like something pretending to be pasta and then realising at the last moment that impersonations are not its strong suit. It doesn't taste unpleasant, it just doesn't taste like pasta. Next time I fancy pasta, I'm going to eat some rice.

Sunday, 7 June 2009

Magic bus

I was fortunate enough to see 2 Many DJs at Manchester Academy last night. My goodness but they were amazing. They are the DJ element of the band Soulwax, whom I love. They mix such an eclectic range of music - we heard Depeche mode, AC/DC, the soundtrack to Fame, Mozart, Soulwax (obviously), The Prodigy, The Chemical Brothers, Salt n Pepa, Billy Joel..... Who would have thought that mixing Uptown girl and Push it together would work. Who would have considered mixing Saturday night fever with Mozart's 5th. Who would have imagined that a crowd of ravers would sing AC/DC's Dirty deeds done dirty cheap and the soundtrack to Fame in one DJ set (or indeed at all). Certainly not I. I did expect to hear Soulwax's E-talking and The Gossip's Standing in the way of control, yet the reality of hearing them live overtook my expectations. Although very tired and sober - I threw random shapes, I vibed in the zone, I pointed and shook (see my Pointing and Shaking blog for explanation of this), my hands were in the air, I waved my water bottle at the stage, I tied my coat around my waist (the cloakroom was full, of coats - how strange), I rolled my jeans up to use the toilet (very wet and diry floor), I smiled when people fell into me, I cheered and whooped and had a bloody marvelous time quite frankly.

Now moving onto the Magic bus - upon leaving the venue, I looked across the street and saw a bus with the words Magic bus written on the side in large lettering - I said to my friend "shall we get on the Magic bus or is it just for special people"? We both laughed at my enquiry. I was just about to share the total disregard to logic that motivated my Magic bus question but it's much more interesting to allow you to speculate. However, I will say this - sometimes I say things without actively engaging my brain and the outcome of which either produces pure genius or pure ridiculousness. In my opinion, the Magic bus enquiry has elements of both.

We decided not to board the Magic bus but fortunately for us we'd already experienced a metaphor for one - 2 Many DJs took it's audience on a magical journey which even a magic bus would struggle to compete with.


Wednesday, 3 June 2009


I feel like a very small person faced with a very large mountain. I feel as though I’m ill-equipped for mountain climbing. I feel as though I haven’t brought the correct safety equipment. I feel like the weather conditions are treacherous. I feel as though the mountain is growing and I’m getting smaller. It feels like Everest without the training. I don’t have a map and I can’t see the summit. I can only see the vast enormity of my undertaking.

To be honest though, it’s not even a very large essay, it just feels enormous!

Childish ways

Children seem to stay firmly attached to the here and now, particularly young children. It’s a skill that you lose as you get older. Children don’t seem to worry about tomorrow or get lost in thoughts of yesterday. All that matters is the moment of time they currently exist in.

I read self-help books and use oracle cards – whose advice often encourage you to find ways to live in the moment a little more. Not in a self-obsessed, who cares about the consequences manner but in a life-affirming way - a way that ensures that you really connect with each moment. They also promote the idea of connecting with your inner-child - the theory that our childlike sense of wonder is slowly covered up by layers of adulthood. They say that it’s important to experience the world once again, from a childlike perspective. So, in light of this, I took a 10 minute break from my essay today – not to mess around on Facebook or watch television but instead I went outside and threw a tennis ball against the wall and caught it again for a while, just like I did when I was a child.

I recall that I spent many happy hours in my youth, throwing a ball against the wall and catching it. So today, I made sure I was away from the neighbour’s field of vision – they would have found the sight of a woman wearing mismatched scruffy clothes, joyously playing catch on her own somewhat alarming. Then I happily threw, I merrily caught, I clumsily dropped and I really enjoyed myself.

Whether you’re for or against advice given via New Age paradigms - the next time you feel that life is just a little too serious and your responsibilities seem to ebb away at your sense of fun, go out and play catch. I promise that you’ll enjoy it.


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