Tuesday, 11 October 2016

The ideal height

I’m living in a world of hobbits.  Not literally because then we’d be in Middle-Earth.  However, there appears to be many short men on dating sites.  I’m not heightist.  There is nothing wrong with a bit shorter or even a lot shorter than the average height.  Indeed, many ladies adore the shorter male.  I, however, am not one of these ladies.  I desire a tall man.  To quote Biffy Clyro, ‘the ideal height’, is about 6 foot 2.  There are exceptions of course – Simon Neil of aforementioned Biffy Clyro is not a tall man but he is a sexy men.  Height, in the case of Sir Simon, is a moot point.  I could get lost in his tattoos.  I could probably spend a day just looking at his ‘In Utero’ inking. Anyhoo, notable, Scottish rockers notwithstanding, the ideal height is tall.  I want to stand on my tip toes to kiss someone.  This is a requirement.  There are others. Just in case fate is listening and has stopped playing practical jokes. Said requirements:

  • Longish hair
  • 6 foot 2ish
  • Blue eyes - the piercing, fall into variety
  • Indieish, hippyish sense of style - difficult to explain but I know it when I see it because erm I’ve seen it
  • Kind to the planet
  • Kind to the people (especially children)
  • Ethical - if they buy a kitkat they need to at least appreciate that kitkats are baaaaad
  • Intelligent
  • Wordy
  • Wise - or working towards wise, at least 3 or 4 times a week
  • Tardy
  • Poetic
  • Able to play the guitar - or the triangle in a rock star manner
  • Varied taste in music
  • Passionate about music
  • Empath - or at least empathetic
  • Funny - Bill Bailey level
  • Extrovert introvert - this is a thing, I know because I have it
  • Beard - not a ZZ Top style beard
  • Short sighted - yes, I don’t want someone to be perfect
  • Profoundly sexy
  • Has a job / career type thingy
  • Responds to messages within a consistent 2 hour turnaround - unless rare, unforeseen circumstances prevents it, such as alien invasion
  • Open and honest –the open thing can be work in progress, the honest thing is absolute apart from answers to questions like ‘does my bum look big in this'
  • Prepared to escort to me and my loved ones to The Winchester during the zombie apocalypse
  • The ability to fight demons, should the need present itself
  • The ability to juggle or some other completely useless talent
  • Hedonism - moderate and occasional, balanced by picnics and healthy strolls by the river
  • Swears - but never in front of my parents, daughter, niece, nephew etc
  • Sweet - as in would you like a foot rub, Ill carry that for you because I'm helpful not because you're weak, can I get you a drink, you look really beautiful in that onesie etc etc
That’s all I require in a man.  I’m so easy to please.  Cant work out why I’m still single. 


The RGF xxx

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