Last night, I almost had an epiphany. I could feel the tantalising hint of its arrival. Like the build up to an orgasm that’s oh so nearly but not quite. This sensation, which doesn't quite become, is known as presque vu.
I was somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, ready to embrace my unconscious mind. I felt momentarily at peace, connected and happy without reason. The melancholy which descended upon me almost two weeks ago had gone.
It was almost like the actual epiphany I had in Wales, about ten years ago. Where I sat in a garden dreaming of a man who was always just out of reach. I knew I had to him go and after years of waiting, I was finally ready to set myself free. I recall that I sort of breathed him away. To this day, I have no idea how I achieved it. It was somehow magical and probably unrepeatable. In that Welsh garden, alone, surrounded by flowers - I had a dalliance with the divine. A cathartic moment. It was something to do with the timing, the space and my sense of self in that moment. Everything came together in the right way and he left me.
And last night I was incredibly close to my Welsh epiphany. Coincidentally, I have recently been in Wales, dancing with the faeries. On our return from Wales, my friend and I accidentally drove through the gates of Chester. These may be seen as synchronicity and a metaphor for transformation retrospectively.
When sleep came last night, my dream world was filled with metaphors for cleansing, death and rebirth. So it was disappointing to discover that melancholy returned upon waking. However, I take heart in knowing that this too will pass. As all things do in time.
In some near future self, I hope to experience another epiphany or at least return to happy without reason. Then I may move with the magical and dance with the divine once again.
The RGF xxx
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