This morning I thought of The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle. A classic children's book that I've read to my daughter every night, since Santa gave it to her as one of her many Xmas presents.
Yet my connection with the story is rather sad. Since yesterday I have wanted to crawl into bed and not climb out until I feel unbroken. Since yesterday I have wanted to stop the world. The adventure I had hoped for, has turned into a nightmare. So today, I realised that I want to be a caterpillar. I feel so broken, that I want to hide in a cocoon and emerge anew, following a period of total hibernation.
Coincidentally, my mum, sister and I love butterflies. I have a butterfly tree of life tattooed on my back. Perhaps in time I will emerge unbroken, renewed, as a butterfly Hazel. I hope this happens soon. Otherwise I might drown in a sea of my own tears.