Threshold

A recent experience in life had forced me to make a conscious decision to filter my feelings when it came to romantic love.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to fall in love very quickly. This occasion was swift, even for me but no less profound for the speed of it's arrival. At it's ending, I decided to hide my heart. This, of course, is folly.

On this day, I realise that my whole being is within a liminal space.  I’m on the cusp of the future, reluctantly leaving the past.  Within this temporal interruption, I know that I will not completely close myself off from romantic love.  For a little while, my heart will be somewhat ajar. Then, at the right moment, I will transcend this threshold and open my heart to love once more.   

Mortal

Today I thought about Arwen from Lord of the Rings.  I thought of the moment that she gave the Evenstar to Aragorn.  She chose a mortal life so she could be with the man she loved.  In a sense she chose death so that she could enjoy love. 

In many respects the rejection of immortality seems like utter madness.  How would one choose life with death, when one could live for eternity.  Yet, what kind of eternity would it be if she had to live each moment without the man she truly loved.  Even a week would feel like an eternity if we reject love.  

Although Arwen's decision is the work of fiction, the choice has its roots in reality.  Without love, there is no life.  Without love, life is only existence.  Without love, there is an unending sea of nothingness.  Thus, the only choice is love.  

Gone

For quite some time I was unable to move from the chair. As if by moving I was accepting my fate. And I wasn't ready. Not then. There was an absence, not only of him but somehow of myself. He had taken part of me with him and I wondered if it would ever return. 

It becomes

I read a message today. The words within were beautiful, as they always are........ perhaps made more beautiful by the Rachmaninoff soundtracking on my laptop.

In amongst the great array of profound he said "when a shard of someone else's soul slots perfectly into a space in your own, it doesn't matter if it's not the same shape it was when it left them". He was describing the meaning within lyrics. Though we could probably apply it to anything emotional. If something fits into your soul, whatever it began life as doesn't really matter. It's what it means to you. It is what it becomes.

Yours

The RGF xxx

Be the change

Like many people, when news reports of the refugee crisis filtered through the press, I felt terribly sad and wasn't sure what to do about it.

Thus a plan of action presented itself: My friend found some groups on Facebook that helped refugees. One of which, is the group I now regularly help. This group is called Care UK. It's a grassroots organisation that wonderfully, recently achieved charity status and continues to operate a 100% donation policy. No one gets paid. Everything goes to help refugees.

Volunteering generally and for our group takes different forms. At Care UK, I pack aid into bags and boxes. At home, I gather aid from friends, family and colleagues, then take the aid to Care UK’s depot.

Aside from the real difference this work makes to people's lives, volunteering makes me feel good. There is a tremendous sense of wellbeing when you take small steps to help others. This is the best kind of win win because it is truly equitable. I help someone else and in so doing, I help myself achieve a sense of peace.

The big win also transcends the impact upon refugee and volunteer. Donating clothes, bedding, camping equipment and other unneeded items has a positive impact upon the planet. If an item of clothing is a good condition but you no longer want it and if it's relatively practical then donate it. Reducing waste is always a good thing to do because the planet doesn't like lots of waste. In this sense donating aid and volunteering makes a huge difference.

I still feel tremendously sad when I hear about about the plight of refugees. Yet I no longer feel so powerless because I am doing something about it. It may be a small something but it is something.

It is possible to create positive change. As a wise person once said “lots of little steps make a giant footprint”.

#bethechange #refugeecrisis #humanrights

Don't call me baby

I wonder if calling a woman baby, princess or darling ever generates positive results in the dating field.  Within a relationship, I quite like being called baby or some similar term of endearment.  Once I have reached an appropriate level of connection with someone - a connection we both recognise - these terms can be quite sweet. However, being called baby or some equally ridiculous, overly familiar, patronising term by some random guy is incredibly annoying.  Call me Hazel.  Call me flipping Barbara if you like but do not call me a name which alludes to affection whilst struggling to hide a vast sea of patriarchal influence.  

Stages of love

Long ago, someone told me about the stages of romantic love. He did so in relation to our romantic relationship and to that of his ex. We, apparently, were in the early phases, which I took to mean less and he had been in the latter phases, which I took to mean more. The early phases were subjectively less profound, less important and less felt. At the time, unsurprisingly, I was heartbroken at the discussion. It was like everything he felt for me was reduced to a mere whisper of that he’d felt before.  

Time brings wisdom. I now know that the initial phase of love are just as valid as the latter. They may lack the depth that only time and knowledge provides but what they lose in depth, they gain in power. Every stage is valid. Every stage is beautiful.  

I also came to realise that if someone explains their feelings for you, couched in terms of the feelings they ‘had’ for another - they have not moved on. They remain very much in love with their previous partner.

Yours,

The RGF xx