Friday, 21 July 2017

My daughter

 I watch you sleep and marvel at your perfection. Your face is much the same as it was when I first held you. You're all arms and legs now, where once you were round. Your first smile, first giggle, first words - they all seem like yesterday but you're five years old. One day you'll be a woman. I know I'll still see the baby you, wrapped up in the years of your growth.

I can remember feeling terrified of motherhood. I had no idea of where to begin. This tiny person - vulnerable, perfect - entirely dependent upon me. Even when it's exactly what you want, it seems impossible to do. Yet I'm doing it and sometimes it's utterly amazing.

Though drained with a labour that lasted for days, I could still feel  the warmth of you on my chest. I can remember that feeling. You looked up at me and all the dreams of love that I'd felt as you grew inside me, solidified as our eyes met. Your eyes were newborn blue then, they're hazel now. The colour of my name.

Today is the last day of term. September will mark your transcendence into Year One. Not for the first time, I'm excited and sad simultaneously. And isn't this the cornerstone of parenthood. It gathers so many emotions together, at exactly the same time. It makes life before your child seem distant. The parenting challenges drag yet the stages of childhood zip by at ridiculous speed. I suppose The Doctor would say that parenthood is very "timey wimey".

For all the struggles, especially those brought about by being a single mother - I would not change a thing.

To my beautiful daughter. You are amazing. I love you more than you can imagine.

❣️ The RGF ❣️

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