Monday, 29 February 2016

Strange attractions

Today I discovered something new about myself. A strange fact that I have decided to share. Yet I do so with trepidation because I suspect that this revelation is a little off the beaten track.


Today, as I stood surveying an array of sandwiches, my nose stumbled upon an aroma. As I breathed it in, I found that I began to involuntarily bite my lip because I was attracted to the smell. You'll be pleased to know that I'm not attracted to the smell of sandwiches. I love a good sandwich as much as the next woman but I don't wish to date one. That'd be weird and highly impractical. The smell that invoked my excitement was a mixture of aftershave (no shock there) and, wait for it, cigarette smoke (say what). Yes that awful habit that has no redeeming features whatsoever, somehow became sexy when combined with aftershave. I know! I'm a shocked as you are.


The aftershave wearer himself wasn't my type. In fact he was, to all appearances, the king of chavs. He had more testosterone than a post-many-Stella footie fan and was highly (or should that be lowly) vertically challenged.


I began to wonder why I reacted as I did. Am I less vanilla than I thought? Have I stumbled upon a strange fetish? Is this the end of my sanity? In fact i think the reason for moderate arousal is rather more banal: it stems from memories of ex boyfriends, many of whom smoked and a fair few of those smokers occasionally wore aftershave. I've been single for quite some thus lack the excitement of romance. Case in point: I recently felt secretly pleased when a bus driver complimented me on my leg ink. :-/


A warning is probably required: If you are wearing aftershave and have just put out a cigarette, brace yourself, I may not be able to control myself.


Yours


The Renegade Glitter Fairy

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