Thursday, 25 February 2016

Mr Big

……..I'm sooooo witty right now. Midas has absolutely nothing on me. Words don't fail me, they practically worship the ground I walk on. Yep. I'm  on it like an Easter bonnet. Ok. Erm. I exaggerate a little. All right, all right. I exaggerate a lot. I do, however, appear to be in a witty phase of the month. Witty and quietly confident,  that is until he walks in…..

We'll call him Mr Big. Not because he's tall. Actually he isn't. But because he is important, in that senior management kinda way. Moreover he practically screams charisma. He is suave without intending to be. And his smile, his laugh, the twinkle in his eyes…. Anyway….. sailed off for a moment there. Ahem. The name Mr Big is also a gentle nod towards Carrie Bradshaw and friends from Sex in the city…..

…....when he walks in, I'm far more woooo than wit. In that I'm thinking woooooo but completely forget how to wit. Indeed, I wouldn't know banter if it wandered over and formally introduced itself. In his presence, my face glows like traffic light stuck on Stop. Put me atop of a lighthouse and the foggiest of fog wouldn't dim my glow. The ships would be safely guided in. Men, however would be running for the hills. Red on lips is amazing but red bouncing off your cheeks like a hyperactive disco is not a good look.

I should have contoured my face the day he came. I should have worn a short skirt, glossed my lips, lined my eyes, shaped my brows, had two months hard slog in the gym. But no. Instead, i was flushed, make up free, trousered and scraped into a bad bun.   

Mr Big needed admin support. Whoopee. 
My chance. My confidence said, go, be admin. Help this man. My shyness said, nooooo hide. Yes hide even though he has already seen you and sliding under your desk would probably seem a trifle odd.

He wasn't talking to me directly. He was talking to the team and he needed something scanning. I suggested my colleague, she suggested me, I erm suggested another colleague and yet another colleague erm suggested me. A pattern was forming here. Everyone wanted me to scan his documents. Everyone suggested me and I, rather comedically, suggested everyone else. We must have looked like a group of work shy buffoons. In reality I was just shy and everyone knew I liked him. So I scanned his documents. Well, I tried. Suddenly standard office equipment masqueraded as the Krypton Factor. Double sided scanning may as well have been learn Latin in day. I had no clue. I called upon two colleagues for assistance, eons later, success, we actually turned the documents over manually. Who needs double sided functions anyway.

 Mission complete. He said thank you. I confidently said “you're welcome”. Confidence took its time to make an appearance but it got there eventually.

Mr Big left the building. And I sank into my chair, as a marathon runner sinks into the finish line. I took a while to recover but normal service resumed eventually.

The Renegade Glitter Fairy. Xxx

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