Authentic

Planetary type stuff and me stuff is creating a strong desire for me to be fully authentic.  This sits awkwardly with some parts of my life.  It's hard to fully be who you are in every moment. Adulting seems to require so much filtering. And as much as I like choosing my words with kindness, I don't like choosing my words based on expectation or arbitrary rules. I definitely don't like rules that merely exist to make some groups of people subservient or less than another group.  I don't like power plays. I don't like it when people pretend to be different than they actually are. Obviously I want every human to be good and kind. Yet I know that many people aren't. Sigh. Some people aren't trying to be kind, they're chameleon like and this unnerves me. In other words they're false. Yes sometimes we have to blend. I get that. But it feels like some people are master blenders.  That kind of unauthenticate vibe invokes flight mode in me. I truly want to find the nearest metaphorical cave and hide in it. 

So where do I go from here? 

The parting shot in my previous post was 'ready,  set, go' but as much as I'm ready, how do I actually begin? 

I sometimes fear that my attempts at assertion read as aggression. Whilst I appreciate the sentiment in Faith No More's song Be Agressive. I don't actually like aggression. And I care about other people's feelings but NOT at the expense of my own. 

Is this the beginning of being fully authentic? 

Not being a little bit me then looking sidelong for approval?   

Maybe. 

Hopefully.  

Let's see...

The RGF xxx