As Anya, ex Vengeance Demon, newish human wisely once said in response to the passing of Buffy's mum:
"I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's- There's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And-and Xander's crying and not talking, and-and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why."
On some level that's how we all feel. We cannot comprehend how someone who was there, is now not in their body. It is painful. All we know is aliveness. We do not know death. So when someone we love is no longer here, nothing makes sense. We feel newly human or like an alien or a Vengeance Demon. We cannot comprehend it. And we don't even want to. We just want to change it.
Our connection to a person is tied to their soul. Of course it is. That's part of their aliveness. But it's their soul within their body. Every word they spoke. Each time they moved. The shared moments. The memories. The quirks. The everything that made them, them. So how can they be anything else, other than a beautiful solid form. How can they be gone. Or even transmuted into a soul outside a body. It is simply impossible to comprehend.
I'm with Anya. I feel just as she did. I feel lost and confused and angry at the transient nature of the human experience.
I know that cannot change reality but I wish that I could.
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