Sunday, 25 March 2018

The ideal height revisited

Back in October 2016 I wrote a blog post entitled The Ideal Height. It was a light hearted tick list of criteria. Specifically, it was man criteria. A bullet pointed array of boyfriend material in a Haze remix style.

Time has past. And like all good remixes, we embark upon the remix of the remix. In short, or perhaps I should say, in tall - the ideal height has altered a tad. By 3ish inches, to be imprecise. The ideal is now standing tall but not too tall at 5 foot 11 and a bit.

The list and it's wonderful variation is detailed below.........

Blue eyes, long hair and indie style:
His eyes are brown and far more fall into than any I've known. His hair is not long, nor in fact, even particularly present. I suppose I might say his sense of style is indie but mostly I'd say it's his. He can carry clothes combinations off that the rest of the population would look ridiculous in. On him, these clothes work. He left my house today in a Power Puff Girls top, a floral blouse as a jacket, a patterned scarf, some black spray on jeans and a bob hat. I didn't want him to leave. I probably never will.

Planetary awareness:
We're working on the planet thing. It's probably not his strong suit. Unless Mother Nature is a big fan of fly tipping.

Kindness and solid ethics:
Fortunately kindness to people is his middle name. Well not literally otherwise he'd be Simon Kindness to People Soane but figuratively he's all up in that shit. Big time.
As for ethical. Hmmm. See fly tipping.

Some people get the brains, some people get the looks. Others are lucky fecking gits and get both. He's in the third group.

Big words:
There aren't enough hours in the day, words in the dictionary and there are far too many inconvenient breath interruptions for my man to say all his words. He's the Gabber equivalent of communication. (Gabber, for those uninitiated, is a form of hardcore dance music. It plays at 150 to 190 bpm. In other words it's fast. Really fast).

I've learnt much since I met him. He has the kind of knowledge that only the wise tap into. He knows that knowledge grows by sharing it and he recognises that the knowledge is not static in nature.

I'm told he's fairly tardy and I've certainly spotted it in his working life but he doesn't tend to be late for me.

Poetic and rock guitaring:
He might be a modern day Donne. John Donne that is. If you're dating a Donne, rock star guitaring doesn't matter.

Passionate about music and a varied taste:
If varied music taste is Smashing Pumpkins one moment then Take That the next, then varied taste is definitely his. And he's passionate about it. Actual tears are shed at tunes. He knows how to feel and he doesn't hold back.

Empathetic and Bill Bailey funniness levels:
I feel like our shared empathy and humour is amplified by and through each other.

Extrovert introvert please:
He has his quiet moments, probably. Actually, I'm not sure that he does. It's all about the interaction - with beings, places and things. As it is, I have enough introvert for the both of us and I can extrovert off his extra extrovert.

We, and by we, I mean he, can flow from stubble to short beard with aplomb. I feel that his beard is my beard. A good thing because I'm sure vice versa wouldn't work for him.

Short sighted:
I joke about his failing eyesight. If he ever gets an eyesight test, I hope the loss of Haze filter doesn't lead me to wryly say should have gone to specsavers.

Profoundly sexy:
Sexual chemistry is a many-splendoured thing. With some it's explosive, with others it's cataclysmic. That's what we have. The second kind. I lose and simultaneously find myself in his presence. I have never been this excited before. So yeah, he's profoundly sexy.

Has a job type thing:
Work. Ah work. Hand in glove, cheese and pickle, Sherlock and Holmes, that's Si and paid work. This sentence is dripping in sarcasm. However he is employed and he volunteers to help the homeless. The latter elicits far more enthusiasm than the former.

Two hour texting turnaround unless alien invasion occurs:
Aliens invade Stockport every week. This is a fact. It must be because we do not enjoy a two hour turnaround all the time. Nor does he message me in his sleep, which, to be honest, is an affront to romance but we are in regular contact. Im not left wondering where he is or whether he's still coming.

Open and honest:
As time passes I think we're both becoming more open. He speaks his truth. It's his modus operandi. It doesn't get much more honest than that!

Would save me, fight the zombies and the demons, should it be required:
If on the set of Sean of the Dead, he'd be the first to seek refreshments in a suitably located drinking establishment such as The Winchester. Then he'd fight the zombies, glass of cheap plonk in hand. An avid Buffy fan knows how to fight demons. He's basically a skooby. Sharp branches at the ready. Always.

Useless talents:
Hmmmm. I don't think he has any. Plenty of useful ones though and some of these are relevant outside of the bedroom.

Oh he's hedonistic. Probably more than I am. But he drinks water and eats fruit and whatnot. There is wholesome too. He's balanced. Erm pretty much.

Swears but never in front of my family:
A man who uses words aplenty, is kind and empathetic, is a man who swears in all the right places. Ish. No one is perfect.

Sweetness personified:
I don't have the words to convey how sweet he is. To me, to my people, his people. In fact, to all the people. He's never seen me in a onesie but I know that if he did, he would tell me I'm beautiful because that's how he sees me.

It is not the list but the person that matters. I have remixed The Ideal Height because we don't know what ideal is until we stumble across it. I know now. I have found the one. My soulmate. My unicorn.

Indeed, one might even say that I have found my ideal height.


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