HRT, Pat

"That'll be the HRT, Pat". said Peter Kay impersonating his mother maybe 15 years ago. As I recall, he was joking that his mum seldom hung up the phone correctly. She thought the call ended after she'd "put it in its holster". So Peter would be there, on the other end of the phone, wanting to dial out again, saying "mum hang up the phone". He joked that she thought she could hear little voices and blamed the side-effects of HRT. I have no idea if any of this was true. I laughed though. We all did. 

Back then, lots of Peter Kay's words were relatable. Except that. The HRT, Pat. I knew it had something to do with getting old and it felt as remote as a planet, some light-years away. 

Fast forward to 2021. I'm 46. I've arrived at  planet aged and it's as inhospitable as Venus on an angry day.  There's no map. There isn't even badly articulated, vague directions. 

Every woman shares her birth story, in graphic, unwanted detail. It's practically a competition. It's the penultimate of womanhood. The pinnacle. I was in labour for 3 whole weeks. It took the doctors 3 hours to stitch me up. Or the other spectrum. I was totally free from all drugs. I didn't even have a paracetamol (which in reality is like trying to put out a volcano with a slush puppy).  

But no one says "ohhh, in a meeting the other day, I sneezed and wet myself a little bit. Tee hee. These things happen." Or "you know those hot flushes you've heard about, well they feel just like the flu. Not mini flu but proper flu, where you have to roll to the toilet." It's just not the kind of stuff women chat about. This only serves to make us feel, me feel, well, less of a woman. 

How can I be rocking my 40s when I'm ill, grumpy, spotty and struggling to control my bladder. When they said 'life begins at 40', were they referring to something so totally removed from your 20s, that it feels like starting again? Rather than sexy, powerful, wise woman. It's a lot of scared, confused, hormonal lady. 

Still. I'm trying to negotiate it all, whilst working, home schooling and waiting for Lockdown 10. something or other to end. Occasionally, I even hoover the carpets.  

Parchment of love

It is not the page that denotes the parchment of love.

It is two sides of the same paper. 

Gathered in its inky permanence.

Different words, in a shared story. 

This our us, asymmetric in our synchronicity. 

Our asynchronous symmetry. 

Wolf

We do not stumble in silence

Tangled in your web of fear

We stride, elbow to elbow

We are the seers

These words are influenced by Idles, Biffy and Rage against the machine. 

Xxx

Gone precipice

No more wondering what if

Just a myriad of now

All your here, thundering my wow

He's opposites

He's opposites, the contrary
contradiction.
Pure sweetness, my cure and
my addiction.
Alike Friday, with sheer joy
and the oblivion.

I'm happiness but still with
broken parts.
His global splendor,
hydrating all my parch.
There's been some toil in
travels, yet rose petals in my
march.

The Eärendil's star, he's
brilliance in light and dark.
His here strings me out, with
violins and harps.
Each moment written, with
red quills dipped in heart.

Once we had Rawls principle,
it echoes on us still.
Like forgotten raindrops on
the windowsill .
Songs are near harmonic,
almost, nearly.
Will!

Opinion

My blog isn't usually somewhere that I share my political opinions. I allude to them, certainly. I have talked about love. I've talked about empathy. I've referred to poverty. Yet I don't usually make clear statements about politics. Today that changes. 

I've read quite a few posts, memes and sentiment that we, the people, should be kind to the government. We should be kind to our elected prime minister. We should, to a point, be kind to everyone. However we need to remember that politicians do not become politicians without choice. The people that represent us choose to do so. With that choice comes responsibility. Politicians who earn a pretty hefty salary and by in large, claim a large amount of expenses. They are not struggling to make ends meet. They are not suffering under the system, they shape it (albeit not alone and let's not overlook the power of big businesses like Amazon). 

Just because someone tells you something is safe, it does not mean that it is safe. There are a vast array of people who tell us all kinds of things, for all kinds of reasons and the truth might not have anything to do with it. It is vital that every single person questions the status quo. It's important that every single person considers why a group or a person says whatever it is that they are saying. In sociology, this is called Interest Groups. If I'm the PM and I'm under pressure to reignite the economy then I might tell people that they will be safe if they are careful. 

Whatever your political opinions, the current UK government have made a number of decisions that have cost people's lives. They are continuing to do this.

We should have closed our borders to people traveling from China and parts of the world that are close to China back in December. We should also have tested and quarantined travelers into the UK many months before now. 

PPE and ventilators should have been stockpiled months ago. 

In February the online 111 service told people who thought they may have Covid-19 that unless they had travelled to China or Thailand or had contact with someone who was known to have Covid-19, they did not need to do anything. Thinking about this logically or, as the current government tend to say, scientifically, this makes absolutely no sense. Yes the situation was evolving but it stands to reason that any person having contact with any other person might catch any virus, new or otherwise. 

Given that the government was slow and yes negligent, we should have made the UK lockdown stricter and we should have extended it. 

Finally I really hope that every person who reads these words will consider this famous quote 'quis custodiet ipsos custodes?' In English 'who will watch the watchmen?' The answer is, we will. 

Small joys

I was contemplating the things that bring me joy. Just the little things in life. Here's some of them:

• The smell of ginger
• Drinking green tea 
• Chocolate - the smell, the taste. Shame about the calories
• How I feel after a cold shower. Definitely not during. That part is rubbish. 
• Pulling the brush out of my concealer. It makes a really comforting noise. 
• The feeling I get from music
• Candles - they change the mood of a room
• Following an impromptu karaoke session at home yesterday due to working out how to use my daughter's microphone properly - I remembered how much I love singing. It was tremendous fun. Of course I singalong-a-spotify as much as the next person. Singing without a mic is great but with one, it's next-level joy. 
• Drinking from my pentagram mug. It's a little bit of magic every time
• Reading Pratchett. Reading generally. Whenever I have hiatuses because I think I haven't got time to read, I miss it. I'm less at peace without a book
• This blog ♥️
• Dancing around. 

All these things are free or inexpensive and they all create joy. 

The RGF xx