Remembering

I carry you with me. I always did. You have always been the person I spoke of the most, when talking about my past life. Always with fondness. Always with care. You were my friend. For a time you were more. But sat against the backdrop of friendship. 

I hadn't seen you or spoken to you for many years. I would have done but I understood why you could not. 

I didn't know you were ill. I wish I had somehow gleaned it but I didn't. And now you are not here. I hope you are somehow everywhere. 

I hope I did discern your presence behind me, comforting hand on my shoulder, as I say on the sofa and cried. I stopped crying and looked up. I felt briefly comforted. Was that you?  It felt like the hand that used to gently push me out of shops, when I was getting carried away with purchases. It felt warm. It felt peaceful. It felt like you. 

I hope I will see you in my dreams soon. I hope you are safe in another realm. I hope you are peaceful. 

I miss you. Even though I hadn't seen you for years. I still miss you. 

I wonder if I'll always miss you. 

Xxxxxx