I'm feeling somewhat blue today - no reason, just blue. The trick to negotiating blue days is to remember the big picture. Life has its ups and downs. Remember this and ride the wave of life.
I have decided to write a blog as each word lands in my mind. No error checking, thinking about grammar, meaning - just think and type. I can hear my boyfriend on the phone to his mate. He is discussing music and music production technology - I think. The view is quite pleasant. I'm sat behind him and he is bending to use the lap-top! The problem with typing as you think, is that you never quite know where your mind will take you. A risky business. Thank goodness I commented on my thoughts before my mind landed in the realms of sexual thought processes.
Actually too late, thinking about sex, talking about it and the ultimate - having it, is somethig that is still somewhat taboo amongst the so called fairer sex, by that I mean we can have it but we are still supposed to pretend we only have it with the right one and not whoever takes our fancy and we are definately not supposed to chat about it openly. Yet I feel it should be out there - a topic of much focus, as often as possible really. My close friend and I often take our sexual discussion to the extreme of what others would deem to be inappropriateness. Nothing is sacred - all exploits are analysed and described in detail. She is the only person I do this with. I'm less open with other friends (people that know me well will shock at this because I'm pretty open all round, it's all relative so Gemma my partner in sexual conversation crime, gets the hardcore, uncensored version of events). Dont get me wrong, I respect my relationships, have certain experiences that I share with my romantic partner only - I have a levels check but I do feel that its good to talk. Like Salt 'n' Pepa once said "lets talk about sex baby". Moving on and away from sex chats with my friend, I arrive at sex chats with your partner. You can feel your way through sex and indeed that is definately a good thing but you have got to discuss your desires, what turns you on and off. Verbal confirmation of "oh yes, like that" is applaudable and vital. I'm a very vocal person - I air my thoughts on a regular basis and sex conforms to this pattern. (I do hope my parents, family members, employers dont stop by and read my blog - ahem). Anyway, further thinking about sex reminds that it is important to have fun - obviously you could say well thats a given, sex is fun, its fun to have sex yet I mean its important to have a laugh. Sex doesnt often play out like cinematic moments - you fall over (well I do), clothes won't come off, we are not all ripped and toned like movie icons (or rather we dont have the body doubles or technology to make us look like we think they look), you have to reach for the condoms (depending on circumstances), insecurity and paranoia can take the edge off pleasure sometimes. So laughing, not taking the act of love so seriously helps. God, Im starting to sound like a not very impressive good sex guide!
I have just found myself wondering why my boyfriend is almost always top-less - I'm not complaining but its odd that he continually has his top off. I wish I could. Actually no, it gets cold sometimes - mind you, it would solve that problem of having nowhere to hang our coats (he hangs his coats on the floor, or the other day over his bike which was leaning against his lounge wall). Interesting.
I'm off to meet his family soon. Oh panic gulp. Met his brother briefly before and spoke to his mum via web-cam but havent done an offical meet yet. Today, Im told, is the day. I feel unprepared for such an occassion. Preparing oneself for 20 questions, spot-light, interaction with the Spanish inquisition (no one ever expects the Spanish inquisition). I always sound vague when I talk about my career - in no small part, this is because I am vague - havent a clue what I'm doing. I am wandering around the career taspestry of life aimlessly - god I need some direction. Just chatted to boyfriends mate on the phone - spouted total random shite at him. Shyness and being caught off-guard is not a good combination. He sounded nice, interesting bloke. I have a feeling that I sounded like a total plonk.
Moving on, I feel I have typed enough, have emails to check and essays to read through. It remains to be seen whether or not this type / think experiment has been successful. Anyone that stops by and reads this blog, feel free to comment on my randomness.
xxx
