I've been giving some serious thought to Chiron, from astrological perspective. I'm focusing on self-healing but ye gods it's tricky.
The RGF xx
Find out about your Chiron placement in your birthchart. It's fascinating and illuminating. You can literally Google it.
I promise It's worth doing.
The RGF xx
I'm getting into Astrology. If you read me (my blog, my vibe, my YouTube channel) then this is not surprising. Yet conversely, the placements of my birthchart puts me into a position of tension, literally. Causing me to question the very thing that both fancinates and answers all kinds of questions about, well, me.
Assuming my parent's have my birth time correct, I have an Aquarius moon. Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Uranus. Basically Saturn is about tradition, discipline, responsibility, restrictions, limitations, structure, perseverance etc. Uranus is extremes, breakthroughs, breakdowns, limitlessness, and being an outsider. So they're very different. Almost opposing really. Also I'm Pisces ascendant or Pisces rising. Pisces is a mutable sign, think fluid like water. It's emotional, deep feeling and sensitive. Yet Aquarius isn't comfortable with emotional displays. Sooooo that's a lot of conflict. In short, a lot of aspects which are at loggerheads.
Moreover, my Chiron is in the 1st house, Aries at 20 degrees retrograde. I actually dont know how important the exact time of birth is for your Chiron. I think it's the date only. I know Chiron moves slow relative to Earth, thus us. Or something like that. I think it may be comet or an asteroid. Your Chiron (see Greek mythology for more on this) is a wound, a deep, unhealing, life pivotal wound. It can be healed a little but you have to do the work. Significantly, it seems that my Chiron wound relates to my identity. So I will or rather do struggle with my identity. Annnnnnd, my Aquarius moon is about the need to be different. Buuuuut it's also about tradition and limitations because of the Saturn influence. Screw you Saturn. Well maybe. Do you see all the conflict?
Furthermore, I have a lot Sagittarius in my birthchart. In significant locations. My Sun or starsign for one. Amongst other things, a Sage is a seeker. The Sagittarius, or the archer, is forever seeking a target. Unsettled perhaps? Always looking. Seek and ye shall never find. Be and ye shall have already found. Think the Whole of the Moon by the Waterboys. Or maybe that scene from The Matrix. "Only realise the truth, there is no spoon". What did that young chap mean? Lots of things perhaps but most probably that reality is not reality. Also that reality is not fixed. It's bendable. Unlike spoons which are most definitely only bendable by hand not mind. But I'm getting ahead of myself here and off topic, in a way. I'll come back to this.
I should note that I have always felt different. I have always been odd and I've also always been shy. Notably, I've seldom been fully comfortable with my oddness. I find peopling ie chatting, networking extremely hard. It's got easier, with the practice that nearly 50 years on planet Earth has brought me but it remains an effort. And I'm Pisces ascendant so I'm kinda mutable. In other words, I'm moderately chameleon like in my interactions. I can find ways to talk to most people but at the same time, I feel exhausted by this. Pisces folk are also empathic, so imagine feeling all the feelings but also feeling uncomfortable with feelings (Aquarius) and everytime I say the wrong thing (Sagittarians are pretty epic at this), I know I that I have because I sense the reactions that are unspoken. Blargh. Jeez. Seriously?
Indeed, I've always felt other people's feelings. Since being teeny tiny I have enjoyed big empath vibes. Sadly, I have tended to draw cruel people to me. I get some nice one's too but there have been lots of yucky one's. I was bullied at school. Not a tiny bit but lots of times. Moreover, I have always chosen partners who loved me far less than I loved them. Or that simply didn't love me at all. Annnnnnnd I married a sociopath. There are other life experiences of note here but those are too personal to describe publically.
I remember maybe 3 years ago telling my colleagues that I cry all the time. Everyday basically. Fortunately, since daily(ish) yoga, affirmations and mindfulness, I cry less and cope more. Even as I say this though, my inner critic tells me to pull myself together. That unhelpful critic has been quiter in recent years. I figured that was because I'd been doing all the helpful things. And it probably was. Yet, as I write these words, the inner critic is louder. Why is that? The answer is coming. In the next paragraph to be specific.
The Chiron wound returns in your 50th year. Well the wound aways there but I guess the pull of it becomes more pronounced. This is my 50th year on the Earth. My actual birthday is quite a number of months away. So my Chiron wound is all up in my face or getting closer to it, like a turd in the swimming pool of life. And as I said, my Chiron is about feeling uneasy with my identity. So yeah.
It's also, according to many, the age of Aquarius. In other words, Pluto is in Aquarius. It was last in this part of sky 226 years ago. Astrologically speaking, this is a big thing for the planet and everyone on it. All life perhaps. Big stuff happened in the past, when Pluto was last in Aquarius. So destabilising changes are afoot. Big foot, if you will. A freaky, hobbit foot of big. Yikes.
So Earth is redefining itself. Probably.
I'm redefining myself and I'm doing it amongst all the myriad of stuff described above. And maybe that's exactly why I am doing it. Self-fulfilling prophecy much...
I'm probably having an existential crisis because if we take the Chiron wound as our compass, of course I am.
Circling back to the Matrix point, reality is ever changing. It is a mixed bag of tradition and invention. Of the mundane and the esoteric. It can be limited but also limitless. The forces of nature make certain things impossible until we discover how to defy this. Reality can also be said to exist and to be imagined simultaneously. Why? Because all reality is filtered through or felt through the third eye of the beholder. There's logic too. Obviously. Everything exists but also absolutely nothing does. This is philosophy at it's trickiest. If the apple falls from the tree and no one sees it drop, does the apple exist? Does the tree exist? I'll pause here because even my brain is hurting and I'm writing this stuff. I may come back to this another day.
I find myself at question. A quest even. Well I am the archer. Can I simultaneously be a staunch traditionalist and an innovator? Can I follow the rules that I also want to break? Can I feel everyone's feels and my feels but reject outward heady displays of feelings? Can I champion humanitarian causes (Aquarius) and not get painfully lost in suffering (Pisces)? Can I centre on a rooted yet equally mutable identity? Maybe.
This is work in progress...
I'm watching all my spaces...
Epilogue
There were a lot of words shared here.
If you made it this far, congratulations. We might actually be soul buddies. Let me know.
Bye for now.
The RGF.
PS. You can find me on YouTube here:
Today was something of a tricky day. I won't share all the minute details here but I've certainly tended to have the opposite of the Midas touch.
Despite attempts to shine in a beautiful, weird splendour. It didn't happen.
I also randomly got pen on my face. I hadn't even used a pen. I guess that actually is weird but maybe in more of a bad way.
Even this post isn't flowing in the usual manner. I'm stumbling. Clumsy. Awkward.
Yes today is just a day...
But this is not the ready - set - go I wanted.
And there is a lot of awful world stuff happening.
I do hope that this is the storm before the calm.
The RGF x
The new moon in Aquarius is coming. On 9 February 2024 to be precise. So get ready to get your weird on because this is the vibe for the Aquarius new moon.
In fact don't even wait.
Get zany today.
And make it an oddness tipped with kindness.
The RGF xx
Planetary type stuff and me stuff is creating a strong desire for me to be fully authentic. This sits awkwardly with some parts of my life. It's hard to fully be who you are in every moment. Adulting seems to require so much filtering. And as much as I like choosing my words with kindness, I don't like choosing my words based on expectation or arbitrary rules. I definitely don't like rules that merely exist to make some groups of people subservient or less than another group. I don't like power plays. I don't like it when people pretend to be different than they actually are. Obviously I want every human to be good and kind. Yet I know that many people aren't. Sigh. Some people aren't trying to be kind, they're chameleon like and this unnerves me. In other words they're false. Yes sometimes we have to blend. I get that. But it feels like some people are master blenders. That kind of unauthenticate vibe invokes flight mode in me. I truly want to find the nearest metaphorical cave and hide in it.
The parting shot in my previous post was 'ready, set, go' but as much as I'm ready, how do I actually begin?
I sometimes fear that my attempts at assertion read as aggression. Whilst I appreciate the sentiment in Faith No More's song Be Agressive. I don't actually like aggression. And I care about other people's feelings but NOT at the expense of my own.
Is this the beginning of being fully authentic?
Not being a little bit me then looking sidelong for approval?
Maybe.
Hopefully.
Let's see...
The RGF xxx
~Something visceral And beautifully wild Shimmering ripples Beginning inside Not just body Or even heart You sing the songs Th...
