Seriously?

As a woman of a certain age, Im very busy living my life.  Yet, I would quite like to meet someone who occupies equal shares of interesting and kind.  It would help tremendously if they were attractive, sexy and intelligent.  In fact, the intelligent part of the package is vital.  I'm not unrealistic.  I expect a potential partner to have a history of some sort. I don't expect a saint, and, in fact, I dont want a saint but I do want someone who understands what being a good person is. And I do want someone who ACTUALLY does good things.  In short, I know what Im looking for but I dont have a lot of time to actually look.  This, in theory, is where a dating site steps in. Yet dating sites bring their own special brand of comedy.  The kind of comedy that is funny, for the all the wrong reasons.  The kind of comedy, where you find yourself asking - seriously? 

I continually ask myself why certain men believe if they make a rude comment in a message, the rude comment will illicit a positive response.  Moreover, why do some men believe it's actually acceptable to approach women without even a nod towards effort.  Effort that might include compliments, dates with wine and food, promises which get adhered to and so on.  Why do certain men believe that they can simply saunter in, offer merely a wing and a prayer, then walk away happy ever after until they get bored.  Is it because we women expect nothing more?  Have we, on some level, lowered our standards.  Have we stopped believing that we are worthy of real romance?

Obviously effort should be about balance.  I, like other women, want to make an effort.  I'm pretty good at compliments, intelligent conversation and Im more than happy to shower a potential partner in romance.  Im happy to put the effort in but Im not pouring lots of time and energy into an empty cup.  In other words, if Im doing all the work and the metaphorical you is doing sod all, then it isn't going to work.  Moreover, it isn't even going to begin.

Gentlemen - you might be influenced by misleading images of gangster rappers shrouded in scantily clad ladies but this isn't reality.  Nor should it be because women are more than an empty pretty shell. Don't expect a woman to install skype and start stripping just because you ask her to.  Don't expect sex. Actually.  Don't. If you want sex, and, most men do, recognise that there is more to life than getting your kit off.  Conversation.  Witty banter.  Culture.  Music. Dancing.  Laughing.  Helping others.  Putting good into the world. These things matter too.  In fact, they matter more.

Make an effort gentlemen.  If you do, you might find someone wonderful.

xx