Dragonflies and clouds

At the time of writing, the temperature in Puerto de la Cruz is a more palatable 27 degrees.  My appetite for extreme heat is not like my appetite for chocolate, which is worryingly massive. Fortunately, there are clouds here too. These offer a small heat offset. This troubles my partner.  He seeks maximum sunlight. I'm a shade seeker. Thus we find spaces to sit that offer a bit of both. 

The clouds here are strange.  Throughout the day they do ordinary cloud-like things but as evening approaches they spread out over the ocean in a near perfect line. It's as if someone used a ruler and chalk upon the sky. These curious clouds hover over and mirror the line of the sea. I have pondered at the cause of this cloudy oddness and consulted the delphic oracle that is Google. Unfortunately I'm largely non the wiser. Google hinted at trade winds, which sounds more economic that atmospheric. I may read a book on clouds. It'll be helpful bedtime reading. Ahem. 

I've also been surprised at the seemingly inquisitive nature of dragonflies. They zip over the chlorinated hotel pool as though they're expecting to find an afternoon snack. But on reflection there will be plenty of flies hanging around because people eat food at poolside. So these faux ponds are probably a vibrant buffet for dragonflies. Unless they eat dead skin. I'm not even going to Google this. I absolutely do not want to know. 

We intend to wander over to a vegan restaurant later. It will be pretty dreamy to choose food with impunity.  Yesterday I had a vegetarian pasta with an unexpected lump of chicken.  Kind of a bonus if you eat meat but tricky and a bit gross if you don't. 

The RGF xxx

Tropical remix

Since writing my previous blog post there has been a gentle sway towards welcomeness here in Puerto de la Cruz.  Thus, I have concluded that the Mars Uranus Algol conjuction was the root cause of the aforementioned disharmony. Granted, I have no scientific basis for my conclusions BUT one doesn't always need proof. Plus astrology is interesting and unless British tourists have suddenly stopped being annoying aboard (highly unlikely), it's the only discernable change. 

 

For my part, much like the rainbowesque stairs depicted above, I know happiness can occur in many places. Sometimes unexpectedly on a corner of the street somewhere between the beginning and the end of your journey, which is a metaphor for life really.  Or when Google maps sends you on a detour disguised as the best route to the Botanical Gardens - and despite the feelings of unease generated by the desolation on route - we spot several brightly coloured lizards doing lizardy things. 

In short, happy attracts happy.  Life is series of smiles really. There's shitshow too, obviously. But there is joyousness and kindness and painted stairways. 

Today has been good. 

Muchas gracias universe. 

The RGF xx 

Tropical waves of wrathish

We are holidaying abroad for the first time in well forever. Tenerife is not like I imagined. Admittedly my imagination was previously coloured by stories of stag doos, raves and spirited cups of hangover.  And I've never been to Tenerife until right now.  

I'm pleased to say that we are surrounded by sweeping palms and tropical flowers.  We were ironically welcomed by a giant sleeping volcano. Fortunately it doesn't appear to talk or walk in its sleep. Its previously activity though, has covered the beaches with dusky sands and pitted black stones. The ocean here is obviously a stunning shade of sapphire blue.  Beauty definitely abounds. 

We're fortunate to have a sea view from our hotel. We can enjoy it on floor 13, behind a low, seemingly fragile balcony.  No leaning selfies here because said selfie would certainly be your last. Plus 13 is unlucky for some. Yikes. 

It is very early days and I am hampered by my ability to read all the vibes but the atmosphere is sadly not very welcoming.  At times there's even been open hostility towards us.  Is it the Mars Uranus Algol conjuction? Certainly we might expect more aggression around this time. The conjuction's effects stretch into the astrology of Earth for several days around the full conjuction (which occurred on 15th July).  Is it the legitimate struggle of hosting Brits abroad?  A lot of us do pack a hefty haul of chaos in our suitcase when we travel. Mostly booze infused. So if people are a tad frosty towards the English, I guess I kinda get it. Is it the impacts of Brits buying property in exotic locations? I have no idea what those impacts are but I'd imagine there are some and doubtless they're not helpful to local people unless you're a rich owner of several properties.  Whatever the reasons, something is afoot.  No matter how often I smile and try to speak Spanish, the cold reactions persist. As an empathic type, that's tricky to process. Those negative vibes do build up. 

I lost my amethyst necklace somewhere between here and Manchester Airport.  I've purchased various crystal bracelets as a replacement energy shield.  Sadly, at this point I think I need a crystal hazmat suit because three beaded bracelets are just not cutting the mystical mustard.  

No experience is meant to be fully utopian. We're gaining on beautiful surroundings but losing on gentle human connection. So far anyway. Moreover, real magic is that which we create for ourselves, rather than that which  we're given or seek. 

Alongside the experience of the vibrant scenery, maybe this holiday will teach me a robust ability to feel all the feelings and not internalise them. Time will tell. 

Buenos Dias. 

RGF xx

Stepping into the light

 

Peopling

Peopling is hard.  In other words, interacting with other humans is difficult.  This has been hyper highlighted in recent weeks.  That sense of being on the outside looking in.  Whilst I do enjoy conversations with some people, with many, I find myself reflecting on the words we have each shared and wondering whether some of the people I've recently encountered actually intend to create a sense of division.  I wonder whether they have a need to make themselves feel more in by making others feel more out.  I’m reminded of that meme where Morticia Adams is surrounded by Barbie-like women who are depicted as saying “you can’t sit with us” and she responds with “I don’t want to”. Except of course you dont have to fit with either archetype to feel a sense of exclusion. It can happen to anyone. 

But I am a bit different. As I’ve mentioned previously, there are times when I enjoy being different.  In the last 20 years or so I have tended to dress in a way that is somewhat less than usual.  My hair is bright, my tattoos are frequent, and I suppose I’m sort of a hippyesque goth.  But whatever I wear on my skin, blonde hair or green hair, contact lenses or glasses, weird or standard – it makes no difference - I am always an outsider. 

Perhaps someone is reading these words and thinking but surely everyone is different.  And that’s true. But I often feel like other people have more viable methods of connecting than I do.  Is there no way for me to be odd, kind and occasionally hilariously funny and somehow resonate with others?  It would seem not.  And that makes me feel a little bit sad. 

Sometime last year I created a YouTube channel.  I've shared it on this very blog. Somehow I believed that I would be able to reach people and make a difference in the world. That probably sounds naive.  Maybe even ridiculous.  In fact, as I write the words, I realise that it is probably both of these.  The algorithms are not with me.  There is vast array of popular content on YouTube.  It’s flooded. I am merely a flicker of light in a saturated pond and I have no idea how to increase my brightness or even if I should try to. And creating a YouTube channel was supposed to be me striding forward with confidence.  Bravely sharing my words with the wider world. But the main bravery is keeping going when no one hears those words. Clearly, social media is a very public way of navigating popularity.  Though my channel was never about being popular.  Yet it has to be popularish in order to be heard. And I don't feel heard or helpful to others right now. 

So I sigh.  And in fact I have just audibly sighed.  Peopling is hard.  Virtual peopling. In person peopling.  All the peopling. 

I do have a new Youtube video planned and it’s been in the pipeline for a while.  I have delayed due to limits on my  time and, in truth because my channel is reminding me that I am on the outside looking in. To create my next video, I have to disregard my people struggles.  Or maybe I have to use those as motivation to keep moving forward because I certainly am an Aquarius moon, I'm definitely a Black Moon Lilith in Aquarius and I do seem to be the very definition of an Ophiuchus. Plus my Chiron return is moving closer by the month. 

I do hope to feel more belonged at some point or at least care less about it. I also hope to share a new YouTube video. But I must fill my metaphorical cup before I do anything else. 

Xx

New horizons and expansion

 

Finding relief from anxiety